Alfa Romeo Launches ‘Just Start’ App
Finally, the emotional support your car deserves.
Alfa Romeo has always believed that driving should stir the soul. But they also understand that sometimes… it just stirs anxiety.
That’s why Stellantis is proud to unveil Just Start — a revolutionary new mobile app designed to enhance the unique relationship between driver and machine.
Gone are the days of wondering “Will she start today?” With Just Start, you can now engage directly with your Alfa’s temperamental spirit via your smartphone. Whether it needs gentle encouragement, emotional validation, or a firm “try again,” the app offers a suite of features scientifically* designed to increase your chances of ignition.
*Science may include vibes, prayer, and hope.
The new app is compatible with both Apple and Android devices, and fully integrates with Apple Carplay and Android Auto. Or not at all. Depends.
Advanced features include:
- “Prayer Mode™” – uses cloud computing and actual clouds to improve your chances
- Diagnostic Horoscope: find out if Mercury is the real reason your check engine light is on
- Optional in-app purchases: buy a “positive attitude” booster pack for just £3.99
- Engine Mood Tracker™ – Reads the car’s emotional state via onboard sensors. If it’s feeling existential, recommends letting it rest another day
- Mechanical Sympathy Mode – If you whisper “ti amo” to the steering wheel three times, the car may forgive past indiscretions and agree to start
- Mystery Update Generator – Downloads a 7GB software update that changes absolutely nothing but takes four hours to install
- Built-in Support Group Chat – Connects you with other Alfa owners currently stranded in scenic lay-bys. Share photos, tears, and jumper cables.
Just Start is available now from all good hardware stores and selected trattorias. May also be compatible with some espresso machines. Though unlikely.
Download Just Start today, and remember: if at first you don’t succeed… it’s probably the battery.